


Christmas Negotiations

by Useful_Oxymoron



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, Curses, Elves, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:48:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27838624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Useful_Oxymoron/pseuds/Useful_Oxymoron
Summary: While Bellatrix is hard at work on Hermione's Christmas present, she finds herself disturbed by an annoying elf with a list of demands.Made for the Bellamione Coven Christmas Event, based on the prompt: Bellatrix is trying to negotiate with the disgruntled Christmas Elf Union at Malfoy Manor with Hermione.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Bellatrix Black Lestrange
Comments: 8
Kudos: 76





	Christmas Negotiations

It was already late at night when Bellatrix was still pouring over a set of moldy old books in her home office, with notes spread all over her desk. Cracking the ancient curse put upon a large diamond was proving to be much difficult than she had anticipated, especially if the information from the source materials were contradictory. Certainly, it wouldn’t do to present her girlfriend with the gift of a cursed diamond or would manage to turn herself into a newt trying to break it.

She put her quill down and sighed: lesson learned was that if the price of a obscenely large diamond seemed too good to be true, it usually was. Bellatrix knew she would crack it eventually, but with Christmas only one week away she was very much on the clock.

When there was a knock on the door, Bellatrix swiftly put a rag over the diamond and dove back into her notes.

“ENTER!” she shouted, barely hiding the sheer annoyance on her voice.

Nothing. The door opened to a crack but nobody appeared.

“YES?” Bellatrix shouted.

She almost smiled when she spotted Hermione in the door opening, but oddly she did not step inside. Instead, she seemed to be bent down, talking to… someone. The talking continued for a moment until she apparently lost patience and shoved something forward. A rather nervous looking elf almost fell into the room. The elf, obsequineous as he was, rushed back to the door which Hermione swiftly closed. The elf then started clawing at the wood.

Bellatrix poured over her notes again, thinking upon one of the leads she had in cracking this curse rather than wasting precious time on one of those _things._ Meanwhile, she granted the disgusting little creature no less than one segment of one eye. “What is it?!” she hissed.

The elf, realizing that there was no escape, took a few deep breaths and unfolded a piece of paper, daring to take one step towards Bellatrix’ desk. “Uhm, begging your pardon, madame Black, I, uh, I represent, uhm, the Christmas House Elf Union and, uhm, we… we've talked amongst ourselves and, uhm, we… we have a list of demands we would like to discuss with you. If… if that’s okay… of course.”

Bellatrix narrowed her eyes and slowly, ever so slowly, put down her quil. “Demands?” she hissed. “You… DARE?!”

“KIND SUGGESTIONS!” the elf quickly shouted. “Kind suggestions for kind Madame Black to listen to…. If she is willing to hear, at least.”

Bellatrix sighed. She wasn’t making any progress at the moment anyway. “Alright, could be good for a laugh,” she chuckled. “Come at me, then.”

The elf started fidgiting for a moment, trying to find his courage. “First, uhm, we… we would like to remind kind mistress that… that we are elves. We like being referred to as elves and… and not… Baby Yoda’s.”

Instantly, Bellatrix slammed her fist on the table. “YOU DARE?!” she shouted. “I’LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, YOU DISGUSTING LITTLE TOAD! BABY YODA IS CUTE! BABY YODA IS FUNNY! IF I REFER TO YOU AS BABY YODA TO MAKE LOOKING AT YOUR WRINKLY LITTLE FACES A BIT MORE PALATABLE FOR ME, YOU WILL DAMN WELL LIKE IT AND BE HONORED BY IT. YOU ARE ALL BABY YODA’S! YOU WILL ALWAYS BE BABY YODA'S! DEAL WITH IT!”

The stricken Baby Yoda quickly took a few steps back and cringe, looking as if he was about to hide in the umbrella stand. “K-kind mistress, good mistress. The, uhm, Christmas Baby Yoda Union has more… more kind suggestions to make to mistress.”

“I sincerely hope those are more acceptable than your first!” Bellatrix all but snarled. "For _your_ sake."

The Baby Yoda found his courage, took a deep breath. “K-kind mistress. A number of Baby Yoda’s have been disappearing around the house… and the number of free-roaming newts has increased. Uhm, begging your pardon, kind mistress, but we believe this has something to do with your current research project…”

Bellatrix narrowed her eyes. “You… selfish little twat!” she sneered. “You don’t want mistress Hermione to be happy, do you? You want her to be miserable and giftless on Christmas day. Is that what you want?! IS IT?!”

“N-no!” the Baby Yoda stammered. “It’s just…”

“Look, I need test-subjects for this project. Willing test-subjects!” Bellatrix narrowed her eyes. “No test-subjects means no experiments. No experiments means no broken curse. No broken curse means no gift for mistress Hermione. Admit it, you want her to be sad and unhappy. DO YOU?!”

“N-not at all…”

Bellatrix crossed her arms. “I assure you that every single one of the Baby Yoda’s I asked to all the testing procedures agreed willingly. I’m sure that all of them could be restored to their previous form once I have cracked this curse and once I can be bothered to actually undo the effects. Eventually. When I feel like it. I will be needing more test subjects, by the way. You will make a list of still avaliable Baby Yoda's in the house and present it to me first thing this morning! Understood?”

“But…”

“UNDERSTOOD?!”

“Y-yes,” said the Baby Yoda. “Our… our final kind suggestion. Uhm, with the sheer number of Baby Yoda’s turned into newts, we… well, are left severely understaffed and… and have problems keeping the… the household running, kind Mistress. To… to keep our… our… ourselves good and healthy… we kindly ask for… for fifteen minute breaks every four hours…”

While the Baby Yoda closed his eyes, expecting another outburst, there was none. When he opened his eyes, the Baby Yoda found Bellatrix lost in thought. “Agreed,” she spoke.

Joy exploded through his body as the Baby Yoda whooped and hollered, pounding on the door. “Mistress Hermione! Mistress Hermione! We did it! We did it! Mistress Bellatrix has agreed to one of our demands! Major victory! Major Victory!”

The door opened and in stepped Hermione, giving Bellatrix a somewhat smug look. “Alright, tell me all about it,” spoke the younger witch. It caused Bellatrix to snort through her nose and roll her eyes. Hermione made a face, but didn’t let it bring her down, apparently.

“Mistress Bellatrix has kindly agreed to fifteen minutes breaks every four hours!”

Hermione blinked. “Wait… but… your current breaks are thirty minutes every four hours! You’ve agreed to work _more_ hours than you do now! You’re already understaffed and overworked! In what universe is that a major victory?!”

“Yeah, it’s great, isn’t it?!” he raved. “I can’t wait to tell the other Baby Yoda’s!”

“And you’re still allowing yourselves to be called that ridiculous name?!” Hermione yelled out in frustration. But her complaint wasn’t heard: the exstatic Baby Yoda was already well underway to inform the other Baby Yoda’s of the ‘good’ news. That left Hermione to sigh and put her hand on her hips.

Bellatrix moved to stand next to her, laying an arm over Hermione’s shoulders. “Honestly, my pet, why do you keep investing all this time and effort into a lost cause?” she smirked while asked.

Hermione let out a huff. “I’m in a relationship with you, aren’t I?”

“Ouch,” Bellatrix chuckled.

“And what _is_ it you are working on anyway?” Hermione asked.

Bellatrix glanced at the still-to-be-decursed diamond underneath the brown rag. “Oh, you’ll see…”


End file.
